[Photo: Michael Lehet]

Fred Phelps, Westboro Baptist Church, “God hates fags” – all terms that warm my heart and make me one happy dyke.

Confused much?  Don’t be.  We gays and hetero-allies should all line up to give Fred Phelps a big faggotty kiss right on the mouth.  Who else but Phelps would allow himself to be such a public figure famous for his ignorance and hatred just to make the LGBT community look good?  Aw shucks, Freddie.  At the thought of how grateful I am to you, I just blushed a little.

It’s true.  Fred Phelps may just be a savior (pun intended) to the gays.  Phelps’s extremely public congregation of  Westboro Baptist Church has become famous for selfless acts such as picketing military funerals and teaching their children the word “fag” before they can even wear big girl/big boy panties.  These congregation members are truly willing to present themselves as the scum of the earth just to serve as a mirror to those individuals in the heterosexual community who have not exactly been accepting of the homosexual lifestyle.

This metaphorical mirror, that has been turned in the direction of conservatives and such, is quite possibly beginning to reveal to them that the obvious hatred of the WBC might not be so different from their own.  Besides, I can only imagine how un-fabulous that mirror is.  It’s not cute unless the gays designed it.

In addition to the proverbial un-fabulous mirror, Mr. Phelps has built a career on extreme negativity towards countless groups.  This has in turn caused some to view the homosexual community as a group that has historically been oppressed, but should be considered an equal part of society.  Phelps and his Christian-bots have been accused of being anti-Ireland, anti-Catholicism, anti-Swedish, anti-Semitic, and now I’m tired of typing the prefix “anti”, but you get the picture.  Oh, and did I mention that Phelps himself could be referred to as anti-his own children?

Yes, his two sons Mark and Nate have accused him of abusive behavior such as beating the two with a leather strap.

Did someone say “leather strap”?  Is it possible that old man Phelps is a leather daddy?

In sum, Fred Phelps has established a reputation as a disrespectful, extremely hateful, negative, irreverent, child-abusing bigot.  Good thing I’m not God because I would be extremely insulted at the fact that he was doing all this for my glory.  On the flip side, I feel extremely flattered that he would put me on his hit list.  In some twisted way, he is my ally and deserves my thanks for being such a stark raving idiot.  Keep on doing your thing, Freddie.  You just keep making me look better and better.

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This satiric article was written by Emily Erwin exclusively for Pop Wired. Erwin is a 26-years-old Dallas, Texas resident with a professional background in English. You can contact Erwin through her Myspace.