We all know that a lot of the media circus can be total douches, but did you ever imagine one that was so cocky? At a recent Russian press event a dildo took the sky, but not long before a correspondent took it down with one quick stroke.

“Granting homosexuals the right to marry is like granting plantation owners the right to own slaves.”

These are the words of three-time presidential hopeful Alan Keyes of the Republican Party. First of all I would really like to thank him for pointing out such a big issue that everyone has overlooked.

If Keyes’ analogy doesn’t represent all that is righteous and holy and you’re naive enough not to see the truth in his statement, that’s fine, cause God will forgive.

But, for the meantime, let us tell you what we think he really wanted to say:

Firstly, he knows that as a slave you have no rights; you must do whatever your master tells you. Similarly, if same sex-marriage is allowed, then straight men and women will have to do whatever the  homosexuals  want. Legalizing same sex-marriage will give homosexuals the power to marry whoever they want and straight men and women will have no say in it.

Secondly, we don’t have slaves anymore because we want equal rights for all. Slaves are also human beings and they too have the right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. The 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments were added to the constitution to protect their rights. Similarly, the Defense of Marriage Act was enacted to protect the rights of straight people who are always tormented by homosexuals who have no moral values.

And finally, come on, oppression of black people isn’t anything at all like the oppression of homosexuals in today’s society. No, sir.

So many of you may have guessed by now that, with Keyes’ right-wing bigotry thinking, he’s probably 200-years-old. He has a lot of experience and knows how our society works more than anyone else so what he says must be correct.

I rest my case. Thank you Mr. Keyes for helping us find the righteous oh glorious light.

You all can read the full story here written by Keyes himself.

FROM THE INBOX: Outtakes Dallas is gearing up for the 12th annual film festival with its first screening set for March 17, 2011 at the Magnolia Theatre in Dallas. With a new managing director and screening schedule, this year’s festival is expected to reach a larger audience.

First screening scheduled for March 17, 2011 featuring “YOU SHOULD MEET MY SON!”

Thanks to my homegirl Melvin for pointing out this video from the “Ask Propecia” series.

I don’t know what’s more funny… the fact that she looks like a 60-year-old man from the Bronx that hasn’t been laid in ages, or the fact that an “audience” member asked her what she look for in a man and then walks off.

Nonetheless, ghetto makes me laugh. I’m ghetto as hell too so don’t start calling me a racist on my own blog. In case you missed “Who ya finna try” click it and laugh.

HOLY STUFF WE MISSED — The Governor of Hawaii, Neil Abercrombie signed the Civil Union Bill, passed by the Hawaii Senate on February 16, 2011, today. A similar bill was vetoed by the outgoing Republican Governor Linda Lingle in July last year.

The state will start granting civil union certificates starting January 1, 2012. How fitting. Now the conspiracy theorists can blame the 2012 Doomsday on Hawaii now.

Hawaii joins Illnois who signed their Civil Union bill on January 31, 2011. One more reason for same sex couples to go to Hawaii- they can marry and have their honeymoon at the same place. Lets just hope that other states will soon follow Hawaii’s footsteps.

MTV to premiere Lady Gaga’s Born this Way video during “The Seven” on Monday

MTV’s comm director just shot us an email to announced that Gaga’s new music video will air during an episode of The Seven. I hate the song so I don’t really care. Don’t be a drag, just be a queen fellas!

From Kurt:
“Kurt Patat here from MTV with the news that we’ll have the broadcast premiere of Lady Gaga’s highly anticipated music video for “Born This Way” on Monday February 28th.

The music video will premiere during The Seven (5pm ET/PT), MTV’s daily half hour countdown of the seven must know pop culture related stories of the day.

To celebrate the video’s premiere, The Seven’s audience will be filled with Gaga fans, known as ‘little monsters,’ who will all be dressed up in their best Gaga outfit. Let me know if you have any questions.”

Gay people are a rare species — us Dallas-gays in particular. We’re pretentious, we rank high on egotism (111pts on Scrabble to be exact), and heck we’re from Texas so everything is definitely bigger and better here.

And like every other human on this earth, sex is usually a necessity for us to function properly. To hear a gay person say “no” to sex is like finding out Lady Gaga is really a drag queen — ok wait, bad analogy, that won’t be surprising at all.

Gay marriage? Not at this time.

The Obama Administration’s decision to no longer defend the archaic Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), passed in 1996 during the Bill Clinton Administration, is a move that will not streamline marriage equality at the Federal level.

We like Taylor Lautner as much as any other teen gay boy out there, but when you start seeing zoomed up pictures of his leg hair, private areas, and annoying looking nose, then it gets kind of creepy.

Taylor was evidently at a Celebrity Beach Bowl when these uber-stalkerish photos of him were taken. [NSFW] Click here to view more pics.

Porn downloaders might need a little more than lube to get off this time. The gay porn industry is putting together their army of lawyers and going after video piracy.

Corbin Fisher, known for their videos of “straight” college men have gone out on a full-blown suing campaign to the tune of $150,000. The company was a little nice about it in which they gave offending users a two-week amnesty period to come forward and admit to downloading the videos.