“Granting homosexuals the right to marry is like granting plantation owners the right to own slaves.”

These are the words of three-time presidential hopeful Alan Keyes of the Republican Party. First of all I would really like to thank him for pointing out such a big issue that everyone has overlooked.

If Keyes’ analogy doesn’t represent all that is righteous and holy and you’re naive enough not to see the truth in his statement, that’s fine, cause God will forgive.

But, for the meantime, let us tell you what we think he really wanted to say:

Firstly, he knows that as a slave you have no rights; you must do whatever your master tells you. Similarly, if same sex-marriage is allowed, then straight men and women will have to do whatever the  homosexuals  want. Legalizing same sex-marriage will give homosexuals the power to marry whoever they want and straight men and women will have no say in it.

Secondly, we don’t have slaves anymore because we want equal rights for all. Slaves are also human beings and they too have the right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. The 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments were added to the constitution to protect their rights. Similarly, the Defense of Marriage Act was enacted to protect the rights of straight people who are always tormented by homosexuals who have no moral values.

And finally, come on, oppression of black people isn’t anything at all like the oppression of homosexuals in today’s society. No, sir.

So many of you may have guessed by now that, with Keyes’ right-wing bigotry thinking, he’s probably 200-years-old. He has a lot of experience and knows how our society works more than anyone else so what he says must be correct.

I rest my case. Thank you Mr. Keyes for helping us find the righteous oh glorious light.

You all can read the full story here written by Keyes himself.

HOLY STUFF WE MISSED — The Governor of Hawaii, Neil Abercrombie signed the Civil Union Bill, passed by the Hawaii Senate on February 16, 2011, today. A similar bill was vetoed by the outgoing Republican Governor Linda Lingle in July last year.

The state will start granting civil union certificates starting January 1, 2012. How fitting. Now the conspiracy theorists can blame the 2012 Doomsday on Hawaii now.

Hawaii joins Illnois who signed their Civil Union bill on January 31, 2011. One more reason for same sex couples to go to Hawaii- they can marry and have their honeymoon at the same place. Lets just hope that other states will soon follow Hawaii’s footsteps.

Gay marriage? Not at this time.

The Obama Administration’s decision to no longer defend the archaic Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), passed in 1996 during the Bill Clinton Administration, is a move that will not streamline marriage equality at the Federal level.

Did you guys check out the latest relationship status options that was updated on Facebook?

Thanks to states like Hawaii and the many soon to follow, facebook now includes an option for relationship status as “In a civil union” and “In a domestic partnership.”

Now, if only they included a special option for the Phelps family that reads “In a incestry relationship.”

President Obama has asked the Department of Health and Human Services to establish a rule that would prevent hospitals from denying visitation privileges to gay and lesbian partners.

Read the story on CNN

Now this is scary! The Palins are multiplying, mainly due in part to Levi Johnston, but Sarah is throwing her influcence around a little too.

A lady showed up to Sarah Palin’s book signing event and she looked exactly like Sarah Palin! The image to the left is of her clone, no kidding! Check out the link to see the full image. [W&D]

Is President Barack Obama involved in a gay sex scandal? Probably not. The Globe, the same tabby who reported the rise of Godzilla, alleges yet again that President Obama had a gay sex affair.

This time his sex partner wants revenge — dun dun dun!

Who cares?! The real question us gays should be asking is, “is President Obama doing a horrible job at keeping LGBT promises for equality?” Depends on which ‘wing’ you ride.

Now this is one log cabin I definitely won’t mind riding along with. [source]

The world’s most ‘accurate’ news source, the Globe, headlines a gay scandal involving President Barack Obama. A picture of a distressed Michelle and, of course, the shirtless pic from Obama’s Hawaiian beach vacation graced the cover.

Here’s the lil’ blurp from the article:

“PRESIDENT Barack Obama is caught up in a new gay sex and drug scandal – and his loving wife is heartbroken, sources tell GLOBE in a blockbuster world exclusive. Find out all the details of the letter Michelle Obama received from the MAN who claims to be her husband’s lover – and how America’s devastated First Lady is fighting back against a shocking new tell-all book. It’s must reading!”

U.S.GAY, U.S.GAY, U.S.GAY! [Queerty]

U.S President Barack Obama gives his inaugural address during his inauguration as the 44th President of the United States of America on the West Front of the Capitol January 20, 2009 in Washington, DC. Obama becomes the first African-American to be elected to the office of President in the history of the United States.

Woot, woot! Did anyone see the anti-Christ protest?